I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize