mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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