What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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