i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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