i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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