My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
