just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
