I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
