i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
