just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
