When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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