Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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