I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My ass is underappreciated
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
