i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
