Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i already hear my dad disowning me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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