My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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