Got a toothbrush?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
