I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think people are normalizing furries
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
