are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize