yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
