yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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