I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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