why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
