I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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