i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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