Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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