sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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