he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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