chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
