i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
