Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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