i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
