You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
