I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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