Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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