Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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