Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
