I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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