I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
