I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
