So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
