You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
