I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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