i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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