I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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