If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
