Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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