All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
