I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
