Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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