guys are not supposed to queef...right?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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