I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
