It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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