R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
