That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize