last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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