I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
