True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
