Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
