I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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