i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
