Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
