Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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