So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
