If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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