i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
