i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
