i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
