Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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